


Anxiety

by El_Loco_14XD



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Bottom Negan (Walking Dead), I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Negan has severe anxiety, Negan is scared af, Panic Attacks, Regan is my OTP, Rick is scolding him like a mom, They secretly care about each other, They secretly love each other, This was a lot longer than expected, Top Rick Grimes, this summary sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 19:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20159098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/El_Loco_14XD/pseuds/El_Loco_14XD
Summary: Negan has severe anxiety, and he's 70% positive he has depression. Rick just wants to help him.





	Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because two fanfic inspired me to write this. Count'em til you cry by edy (great story may I add) and Crawl Home by Nagem (I think that's the name, I'm sorry if it's not. It's scarred on fanfiction.Net, another great story, check those out!)

After the deaths of Glenn and Abraham, Michonne decided she didn't want Rick anymore. She saw how weak Negan made Rick and she wasn't fucking having it, so she left him to wallow in sorrow and grief. Not that Rick blamed her. He'd leave someone too if they turned into a pathetic ball of nerves and sadness as well. After that, Negan picked up on his loneliness and decided to take advantage of it. They then began secretly seeing each other after dark, with Negan sneaking into Rick's house for a quick fuck, a little pillow talk and after care, and that was it. and even after Rick and him were going to all out war, they were still seeing each other. They just couldn't get enough of one another. And if Rick didn't know any better, he'd say Negan had catched feelings for him. But then Rick has been noticing something off about Negan these last few pick-ups. He's not as enthusiastic as he once was when he first began the pick-ups. He was also more irritable with people. Even his own. He wasn't focusing on what was going on. In fact, Arat had to call him 3 or 4 times in a row. Rick raised an eyebrow at that. This wasn't like Negan. At all. What the fuck was going on? He also has been starting to fidget with his one glove that he for some reason always wore. Nibbling on it, taking it off just so he could put it back on, obsessively tapping his fingers against Lucille until he asked Rick to hold it. It was weird how he was acting, and when he went to see Rick, it was like he wasn't interested in having sex with Rick. Just talking to him and seeing him was enough for Negan. When Rick went to ask Simon just what the hell was going on with Negan, he thought he'd know. He was his right hand man as Negan said to him that fateful night of Glenn and Abraham's demise. But instead, Simon just shrugged and told him he didn't know, but what he did know was that he was acting the same way at Sanctuary. He seemed always tired, not wanting to speak to anyone at all, and he didn't have not one desire to be with any of his wives. Not that they cared. Sherry was even happy. Hell, she was nearly ecstatic about it. Rick shook his head about what was told. No. Not Negan. Not the guy that mercilessly bashed in two of his friends' heads in and killed Spencer and Olivia. Not the man that carries himself in such a godlike fashion. No. This had to be a lie. Right? Well, not exactly. The next week, Negan came as tired as he was the last week, if not, then more. Finally Rick had enough. It was one of the nights that Negan snuck to his house. "I need to speak to you. Now." Rick said with his iconic stink eye and with a demanding tone of a father. He grabbed Negan's hand and practically dragged him into his house, as he did this it reminded him of when Negan literally dragged him to the RV. It made him smile, how he was now the one dragging Negan around, and how he thought it was usually Negan doing all of it. If he had to be honest, he liked how Negan was acting. But he was also so worried. After plomping him onto the bed, he looked up at Rick exactly how Carl did when he did something he shouldn't have. Like leave the fucking house when he was specifically fucking told not to. "What has been going on with you? Everybody has been talking about how you're basically moping around like some fucking teenage boy going through a breakup and being irritable to everyone. Even your top guys. And I'm sick of it! So tell me what has been going on with you right now." "Why are you scolding me like some fucking mom Rick? I thought you'd be fucking happy that I'm not on your fucking ass like this. Everybody fucking else is." "Well, I'm not everybody fucking else! I'm worried about yo-!" He stops himself when he begins that sentence. Did he really worry about Negan? Why? He... He killed his friends, and he has taken from him again and again and again. "Aww, Ricky, are you really? Well as you people say down south, bless your fucking heart." "Oh, fuck you. And yes I fucking am. Is there a problem with that?" "Have you forgotten who the fuck you're talking to? Have you lost your fucking mind? Why in the fuck would a good little two shoes like you worry about some fucking psycho like me?" "..." "Well. Rick? I'm waiting on a fucking answer." 

"... I don't know. I have no absolute reason to. But I do." 

"... Is there something you're not fucking telling me Rick? Cause I'm smelling bullshit from what you just said. I think you care about me. Don't you?"

"What if I do? Got a problem with that too?" Rick popped the question as Negan looked at him with unreadable eyes. "I don't know Rick." He said, his eyes downcast and voice frail. "I-I-I gotta go. Now. It's getting late." Negan talks in a new urgency. He talked as if he was scared of something or someone. "Wai-Negan wait! You just fucking got here!" Rick called, keeping his voice low due to keep Alexandria asleep. "No I can't. Sorry. See you soon, k?" He said so quickly and practically ran off. Rick's hands went into his hair. What the fuck just happened? 

That night, Negan sped home and he went to his meeting room, trying to take breaths and clenching and unclenching his fingers so tightly around Lucille, before he starts shaking, rocking back and forth. Him taking deep breaths wasn't enough and he began to panic. He slapped his face three hard times and his breathing became histarical. Sherry noticed Negan doing all this and walked inside. "Negan?" She called out gently and he didn't even flinch when she touched his shoulder. He just trembled and shook as he tried to breathe. "Sherry? Sherry get away from him!" Dwight fussed, pulling her away from him. "Something's wrong! I think Negan is having a panic attack!" Sherry said frantically. "And? He'll get out of it. He always does. Hell, he's probably faking it." Dwight told. But this was no joke or an act. This was real. He was really panicking. After the attack, he walked to his room, set Lucille down in her corner gently, and laid in bed but slept never came to him. What was panicking about? He saw blue and realized he was panicking about Rick. How he basically said he cared about him. Because he realized he cared about Rick too. He was getting under his skin. And that really made him worried. No one has ever cared for him like this except for Lucille and she's dead. What if he lost Rick like he did Lucille? What would the others think of him? I guess he'd figure that out as he goes. 

A few weeks later, Negan sneaked into his house frantically. Rick stood in his room with his arms crossed and his familiar that Negan secretly loved to bits. 

"You trying to wake the whole fucking neighborhood you dickhead? By the fucking way, may I add, What the fuck was up with you just abandoning me like that weeks ago?!" He scowled. 

"Seems like I'm leaving an imprint on you. You're starting to sound like me, prick..." He said, but the facade quickly fell away. He sighed shakily. "Look, I'm sorry. I-I-I'm fucking stressed out. Ok?! When I went back to Sanctuary, I had a panic attack. Because I was starting to really care about you. No one has ever cared about me except my wife, Lucille and she fucking died while this shit started to hit the fucking fan! And I-I started to fucking worry because what if I fucking lost you! Like I did her! and on top of that, we're going to fucking war! We're supposed to be hating each other and fighting one another! But do enemies do this?! Sneak out to see each other when everyone else is asleep like some fucking disgusting romantic comedy?! I'll tell you Rick! No! They don't! They fucking kill each other! But fuck, I don't even fucking know if I can bring myself to do it! Look, I love you okay?!" Negan broke down in front of Rick and turned to literal puddy. Rick was... Astonished to say the least. 

"Well... Same goes to you. I tried to hate you. I really did. But when you started doing this, it's like my body couldn't allow it. My brain just shuts off around you and I can't... I can't hate you. For some reason, I can't bring it in myself. I... I love you too, you cold, maniacal mother fucking, shit eating, psychopathic, sociopathic, selfish, murdering barbaric heathen." Rick confessed as well as cussed him out. Negan went up to Rick and kissed him so fucking deeply. Rick gave a tiny smile and kissed back. Negan began to deepen the kiss and Rick unzips Negan's jacket and runs his hands down Negan's sides and he thinks of how he missed this. The contact these two men had. Negan breaks off the kiss. "Rick? Could you kindly please fuck me?" Negan asked, looking into Rick's baby blues. "Yeah. You need the stress taken off of you." Rick tells him and gently pushes Negan down on the bed. 

WARNING: SMUT AHEAD! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS AND WISH TO SKIP THIS, YOU BETTER DO IT NOW! 

**XXX**

Negan stripped completely and patiently waited for Rick. Rick grabbed a condom and lube and slid the condom and slicked his fingers and dick. Negan waited patiently, taking deep breaths until Rick intruded a finger inside of Negan. He gasped, turning his face away from Rick due to him being embarrassed. Usually, Negan topped when he snuck into Rick's house, but he does have his bottom moments. And when he does he fucking revels in it. He takes full enjoyment from it. He loves it completely and becomes a total slut for the person who's topping, if they do it right, and tonight it's Rick. And Negan can tell already that he's gonna push all the right buttons to make him go so wild. He then enters two more and Negan's breath picks up and he clenched around the fingers. 

"Negan you have to breathe." Rick soothes. He can see that Negan's trying but he needs Rick. So he says that, with such a desperate voice. Rick smirks evily and takes them out and Negan downright whines. Rick loves how Negan is so responsive. He crawls over Negan and thrusts inside him roughly. Negan nearly screams, tightening his arms around his back and legs around his waist like a vice. Rick straight up growls in his ear before thrusting in and out of Negan with a confidence and ownership and Negan tilts his head back and drags his blunt nails along his back and moaning so loudly that Rick has to kiss him just so he could shut the fuck up. Negan then feels teeth on his neck and he gasps. Rick bites him nearly hard enough to draw blood and gives him so many hickies. Negan then gets scared ad his breath picks up. 

"What's wrong?" Rick asks. "What if... What if people find out about us?" Negan exhales. Rick shrugs. "At least they'll know that I'm yours, and you're mine." Rick answers before resuming like nothing even happened. Negan bites Rick's shoulders to keep himself quiet and Rick tells him to make as much noise as he wants, just keep it down as he's fucked so good and hard and it is so overwhelming. All the times he's bottomed, no one has fucked him this good. 

When Rick fucked him, he felt as if he could just let himself go. He didn't get that vibe from anyone else that did. They always told him to shut the fuck up, and not to make a single sound. But not Rick. He let his moans sofly fill the bedroom as he worships Rick's dick and deep southern draws vibrating through his ears. With others, and when he came with others they came too then pulled out immediately like Negan he was diseased or something but not Rick. And after they fucked him, they just left him to clean himself and basically ridiculed him. But not Rick. 

**XXX**

When they finished, they finished together and Negan looked into Rick's nearly teal eyes his anxiety left him and he felt... He felt his heart beat differently. It was fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird. He stayed longer than all the other times and talked to Rick as Rick cleaned them both with a warm wet rag and pampering him, something Negan was accustomed to when they fucked. They cuddled and had pillow talk. "You may not think so but I have anxiety. It's real bad. I used to have to have medication for it but when shit hit the fan, it was obvious I don't have it anymore. You know I thought I had gotten over it, but I guess not. I'm also 60 to 70 percent sure that I have depression." Negan confesses. Rick looked at him in sympathy. " Oh, don't give me pity, please. I don't need it. Don't deserve it." Negan put himself down. 

"Now, Negan, I don't want to hear any of that."

"It does make me wonder why you love me the way you do. I killed your friends, your family, I take your shit every week. You don't deserve me. I'm not sure if anyone does."

"Ok, and? We killed your people. Hell, if it wasn't for Jesus, we might've met on different terms. He didn't tell us enough." 

"Want me to kill him?" 

"What?! No!" 

"Fine. But Rick, I will have a talk with him."

"And by talk you mean beat the utter fuck out of him? Hmm ok. I wonder what your people are gonna think, with hickies all over your neck and them not being from your wives." Rick teased Negan while giving him a pack of cigarettes. "Oh, my God, I fucking love you." He says as he takes a cigarette. It was a full pack. "You too, bastard." Rick said. "Oh, Negan you gotta get goin'. It's really late. You never stay this long." Rick said. "I don't wanna... I wish I could stay. With you." Negan said shaking his head. "But honey, you have to. I wish you could stay too." He gently argued. Negan sighed. 

"I do, don't I? Fuck it, fine, ok. Keep these. I'll come back for you and them soon. Get some rest, Rick. I mean it. You need it."

"You too. You definitely do." 

Negan left and went back to Sanctuary and Rick got some extra hours and both slept well that night. After that night they learned more about each other and when the war was over and when Negan was inprisoned they saw each other then. He was then released. By then everyone knew what was going on between him and Rick. Maggie looked at Negan with hatred and he didn't blame her, still doesn't. He bashed her husband's head in. She tried to kill him once. Again, he did not blame her. He'd want to kill someone too if they killed Lucille or Rick or little Judith the same way. Michonne was fine with it. She just threatened him that he hurts Rick in any way, he was a dead man. Negan took her word for it. But all in all, Negan and Rick lived a pretty mundane life together. Sure they would go on runs together and encounter walkers but other than that it was fine. Negan didn't have much anxiety anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> I seriously did not expect this to be this long, it was supposed to be shorter. A Lot shorter. And I am so sorry if there's any typos!


End file.
